Feminist Discernment in the Family
Transforming Romantic Partnerships, Parenting, and Consumption
created and written by:
Emily Knurek & Cecilia Yu
Transforming Consumption:
Competitive Consumerism
“For example, bringing the feminine principle of caring for self and others into the economy and polity comes full circle back into the home with socially responsible parenting. In Stage 3, instead of striving to prepare one’s children to compete at all costs for money and power, the goal of parenting becomes helping one’s children find their unique ways both to express themselves and to serve society at large.”
- Julie Matthaei (1)
The Rise of Competitive Consumerism in America
Following World War II, the increased use of strategic media and advertising spectacles advanced capitalism and consumerism to a whole new level. It was during this period when domestic markets expanded and the concept of the suburban housewife formed. Since then, the hunger for buying more has reached an unprecedented level.
During these glamorous and persuasive campaigns through which advertisers manipulated the American public, housewives were the target of media and advertising propaganda. As the Betty Friedan, the author of The Feminine Mystique (1965), quotes from an advertising executive, “Properly manipulated…American housewives can be given the sense of identity, purpose, creativity, the self-realisation, even the sexual joy they lack – by the buying of things.” (2)
Yes, American housewives were slowly brainwashed into luxury consumerism. Second Wave Feminism emerged in the late 1960s and countered the imagery of the docile domestic housewife by dressing them in male workclothes. There began a resistance against the images that were marketed by the consumerist media. Nonetheless, consumerism persisted, and, it is argued that consumerism is “a form of displaced resistance” where people searched for free choice and expressed that through consumerism. Mica Nava argues that, “drawing on Foucault’s model of sexuality (1979) which is neither reductive nor celebratory, consumerism can be argued to exercise control through the incitement and proliferation of increasingly detailed and comprehensive discourse.” Therefore, consumerism can be a mechanism of control. “Consumerism is far more than just economic activity: it is also about dreams and consolation, communication and confrontation, image, and identity.” (3)
An excellent example of this is captured by Naomi Wolf's book, The Beauty Myth, where Wolf describes how the beauty industry captures women's increased income from employment. Nonetheless, competitive consumerism is troublesome, because as Wolf says, "more women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before, but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers." (4) Such consumerism practices are not freeing women, but rather gives the illusion of freedom and liberation (Naomi Wolf). Despite increasing income levels, more and more Americans today are experiencing depression. 56% of Americans would be "more satisfied with my [their] life if there was less stress in my [their] life". (5)(6)
Competitive Consumerism and Parenting
Competitive consumerism affects healthy parenting practices and parent-children relationships. In the wake of Second Wave Feminism, married women flooded into the wage-earning labour force. This phenomenon can not only be explained by the demand of equal rights and opportunities for women, but also was a response to expansion of consumer goods and the glamorisation of consumerism since the 1950s. The entry of married women into the paid labour force created the modern American value system, defined by a quest to maximise monetary wealth, practice competitive careerism, and demand better and more material goods. This was and still is the general definition of "success" when we think of the American dream.
This attitude towards materialism has passed onto younger generations, and is constantly being reinforced by consumerist culture. Children are demanding more and more toys, gadgets, and a myriad of other goods and services from their parents due to the onslaught of strategic advertising and peer pressure. Unfortunately, many parents encourage this kind of behaviour, by using material goods as rewards to control and discipline their children. Alfie Kohn's Punished by Rewards describes this phenonmenon perfectly. Specifically, Kohl denotes a difference between a "good praise" and a "bad praise". A good praise is a positive act of encouragement that sustains a child's determination in doing good work. On the other hand, a bad praise is a "social reward" that conditions the child to seek approval for the work they have done. This not only leaves the child with a lack of confidence, but it also fosters the wrong incentive for hard work. (7)
In this feminist discernment process, the "bad praise" parenting practice is held back and questioned. Is this the proper and best way of parenting? In addition, parents may not get the kind of respect from their children that they expected, especially when the children see their parents as Santa Clauses who bring gifts. Moreover, parents feel a pressure to earn that extra dollar to increase their ability to buy their family more. This phenomenon is tied with the subservient mother paradigm. Learn more about the Subservient Mother Paradigm. This creates the workholic attitude prevalent in the American working culture.
Lastly, both mothers and fathers allocate their time toward fulfilling consumerist wants, rather than relationship needs. Parents must spend time with one another and their children as a family. Feminist discernment in consumption allows Americans to downshift into more family-friendly and fulfilling jobs, and encourages them to explore simple living.
Learn about resources for simple living, such as Center for a New American Dream.
Possibilities for Change
Discernment is first and foremost about self-reflection and self-evaluation. Why is there a need to discipline and satisfy children in this way? How does such consumerist practice affect the dynamics of the parent-children relationship?
As children learn by example, parents need to examine their own consumption practices. If you look to consumer goods for complete satisfaction, that attitude will in turn be picked up by your children. As individuals, we need to realise consumption does not fill real needs, and that competitive consumerism only cultivates unhealthy lifestyles and promotes never ending wants and competition. To cleanse one’s life of competitive consumerism, not only does one have to focus more on work-family balance, but they must incorporate other values into consumption. The focus cannot be individualistic, but instead take into consideration the impact of our consumption practices on the world.
Learn more about resources available for healthy parenting practices.
Learn more about Socially Responsible Consumption.
Page Created: May 21st, 2007
Last Modified: October 11th, 2007