Feminist Discernment in the Family
Transforming Romantic Partnerships, Parenting, and Consumption
created and written by:
Emily Knurek & Cecilia Yu
Feminist Parenting:
The Authoritarian Parent Paradigm
"…we have all been socialized to embrace patriarchal thinking, to embrace an ethics of domination which says the powerful have the right to rule over the powerless and can use any means to subordinate them. In the hierarchies of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, male domination of females is condoned, but so is adult domination of children.”
-bell hooks (1)
The traditional parent-child relationship is hierarchical, with parents dominating their children. In the Authoritarian Parent Paradigm, men and women use their power to oppress their children, which can take the form of emotional or physical abuse. Parents who take the, “It’s MY way or the highway,” or “I’m the boss in this house,” stance to the extreme exhibit the Authoritarian Parent Paradigm.
This parenting style is hurtful to both parents and children. Authoritarian parents may become alienated from their children, preventing close relationships from forming. Additionally, parents may not be able to experience the joys of learning from their children. Children may not feel comfortable expressing their feelings and desires because this might be viewed as letting their parents down. Children may also feel stifled by their parents’ expectations, either unhappily following their parents’ wishes or rebelling against their parents. Finally, children learn to be authoritative in positions of power, often mimicking this parenting technique with their children.
Feminist parents are beginning to transform the Authoritarian Parent Paradigm. They realize that this paradigm is reproducing oppressive hierarchy in their children and that it causes personal suffering and alienation.
Mack-Canty & Wright’s (2004) study of feminist parenting found that ALL the families in the study practiced, “some form of inclusive decision-making.” By taking each family member’s concerns into account, these feminist parents were “challenging unquestioned adult authority". (2)
In this way, rethinking parenting from a feminist perspective transforms the Authoritarian Parent Paradigm into a more equal parent-child relationship. The following quotation from a participant in Mack-Canty & Wright’s study demonstrates how feminist parents are rethinking and redefining the traditional parent-child relationship.
“We are trying not to squelch who the children are while trying to teach them some cultural norms. At the same time, we are trying to be careful to not impose things that we think on them. Just because they were born later than us and are younger doesn’t mean that their concerns and perceptions are any less important. Sometimes their concerns may be more important.”
Transforming the Authoritarian Parent Paradigm allows information, opinions, and desires to flow both ways, not just from parent to child. In this way, feminist parents can learn from their children. Feminist parents who encourage their children to challenge hierarchies and gender oppression empower their children to speak up when something in the family dynamic is unjust. Several feminist parents in Mack-Canty and Wright’s study gave examples of situations in which their children taught them “a thing or two regarding ‘isms.’”
Finally, by transforming the Authoritarian Parent Paradigm, feminist parents are rethinking and redefining traditional notions of love that are rooted in patriarchal domination. Bell Hooks urges feminists to rethink their definitions of love, asserting, “Love can never take root in a relationship based on domination and coercion.” By redefining the traditional parent-child relationship, feminist parents are contributing to Hooks' “vision of relationships where everyone’s needs are respected, where everyone has rights, where no one need fear subordination or abuse.”(3)
Learn more about:
...Subservient Mother Paradigm
...Natural Motherhood
...Family Values
Page Created: May 21st, 2007
Last Modified: October 11th, 2007