Feminist Discernment in the Family
Transforming Romantic Partnerships, Parenting, and Consumption
created and written by:
Emily Knurek & Cecilia Yu
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Feminist Parenting:
Feminist Family Values
Feminist parents have begun to rethink and redefine the traditional parent-child relationship. They are striving to raise their children with a sense of gender equality. They are transforming the Subservient Mother Paradigm and the Authoritarian Parent Paradigm.
How do we know? In 2004, Mack-Canty & Wright undertook a qualitative study of 20 self-identified feminist families to learn about their perspectives on parenting. These studies demonstrated how these families tried to foster a sense of gender equality in their children through nonsexist parenting. Feminist parenting breaks down the reproduction of ascribed gender and helps children to redefine their own concepts of masculinity and femininity. To read a PDF version of Mack-Canty & Wright’s study, click here.
Feminist Parents Help Their Children Redefine Masculinity and Femininity
Feminist parents help their children develop a sense of themselves as individuals not restricted by traditional gender roles. This type of parenting encourages children to explore different aspects of masculinity and femininity, allowing children of both sexes to better understand the experiences of others.
Let us examine some quotes from participants in Mack-Canty & Wright’s study.
A feminist father explains, “It is particularly important for the boys and I to have an openness to Clare’s experiences and women’s experiences generally, as well as each person’s experiences.” (1)
“Clare and I are not restricted by traditional roles, and we want the children to be free to learn how to do things, whether society has categorized them as female things or as male things." (2)
“Boys do not have as extensive a vocabulary for their emotions as little girls do. Why this may be so is open for debate, but we feel our job is to aid Vince in identifying his emotions. So we work to help him increase his vocabulary to more adequately cover a range of emotions.” (3)
These quotations demonstrate that these feminist parents are rethinking and redefining the traditional ways in which children learn about gender. Instead of telling their children, “this is how boys act” or “girls don’t do that,” these parents actively help their children choose and integrate positive aspects of both masculinity and femininity into their personalities, regardless of their gender. Although the above quotations pertain to raising boys, other feminist parents in the study similarly supported girls and young women in pursuits that were typically masculine.
Feminist parents in two-parent families help children break down traditional concepts of masculinity and femininity by modeling symmetrical relationships that are not based on hierarchy. Several families stated that each parent took turns choosing family recreation or putting their children to bed. It is apparent that feminist parents plan to spend time with their children equitably. For more on transforming Romanic Partnerships, click here.
Feminist Parenting Helps Redefine the “Natural” Family
The feminist families in Mack-Canty & Wright’s study come in many forms including two-parent, single-parent, and gay and lesbian families. These families challenge the idea of the “natural” family. The “natural” family is defined as a heterosexual couple, who adhere to traditional gender roles, and their biological children.
Feminist families teach their children that families come in many forms, either by not fitting the definition of the “natural” family themselves or by fostering an acceptance for alternative family forms. One heterosexual feminist mother in Mack-Canty & Wright’s study explains how she helps her daughters see the validity of other lifestyle choices:
“I think the girls are more open now to people who may not fit the dominate culture’s norm. I try to expose them to people who live differently than we do or their friends’ families do. For instance, I recently took them to a lesbian concert that was attended primarily by lesbians.” (4)
Feminist Parenting Challenges Multiple Hierarchical Systems
Mack-Canty & Wright found that all the families in their study challenged multiple hierarchical systems, “such as male privilege, racism, heterosexism, unnecessary adult authority, nondemocratic decision making, and universal family form.” The authors suggest that these practices are characteristic of a new framework in feminist theory, one that challenges “not just gender dualism and hierarchy but dualisms and hierarchies in general.” (5)
Feminist parents in the study felt it was important not just to educate their children about oppression, but for their children to stand up against oppression in their own lives. Likewise, feminist parents found that communicating their experiences with oppression was empowering for their children. The following quotation is from a feminist mother talking about an encounter where her daughter was present while some boys ridiculed her for being overweight:
“She saw that her mother has to deal with oppression too, and that oppression comes in many forms—not just racism and sexism. Most important, she saw her mother stand up to the oppression.” (6)
Feminist Parenting Can Influence the Gender Hierarchy Outside the Family Unit
These feminist families have redefined parenting and the “natural” family. By simply existing, these families act as an example of alternative ways of doing and being that undoubtedly raise awareness within extended families and their communities, as well as amongst readers of Mack-Canty & Wright’s article. In addition, the authors found that children in feminist families had an influence on their peers, extending to them their awareness and questioning of oppression and hierarchy.
Learn more about:
...Subservient Mother Paradigm
...Authoritarian Parent Paradigm
...Natural Motherhood
...Family Values
For more resources on parenting, visit our resources page.
Page Created: May 21st, 2007
Last Modified: October 11th, 2007