Feminist Discernment in the Family
Transforming Romantic Partnerships, Parenting, and Consumption
created and written by:
Emily Knurek & Cecilia Yu
Feminist Parenting:
Beyond "Natural" Motherhood
“Contemporary feminists have challenged beliefs that family arrangements are biological in any way; instead, they argue that families, like gender, are socially and historically constructed.”
-Barrie Thorne (1)
The “natural” family is defined as a husband and wife who adhere to traditional gender roles, and their biological children. As defined, the “natural” family is seen as the only legitimate family form. Marriage is seen as a union of naturally different and complementary beings. Men and women are believed to be innately heterosexual. The “natural” family is structured by the traditional sexual division of labor; “men are seen as natural bread-winners, competing in the economy, and women as natural homemakers, caring for their husbands and children in the home.” The essential function of marriage is the biological production of children so that parents can pass on their wealth and identities. (2)
The idea of the “natural” family is problematic in several ways. First, “ ‘the family’ implies a firm, unchanging entity, always similar in shape and content." (3) Family arrangements have always varied in composition; thus, the “natural” family is a social construct that is reinforced and reproduced through “parenting practices, laws, labor market structures, and culture." (4) The traditional sexual division of labor leaves women and children to face high risks of poverty. The belief that most people live in “natural” families undermines women’s attempts at economic equality by assuming that adult women usually have husbands to support them. (5) Finally, the idea of the “natural” family invalidates other family forms, alternatively defining them as “unnatural” or “perverse” and often putting them at a disadvantage socially, politically, and economically.
Feminists are helping to deconstruct the idea of the “natural” family because it is harmful for all of us.
The feminist families in Mack-Canty & Wright’s study come in many forms including two-parent, single-parent, and gay and lesbian families. These families challenge the idea of the “natural” family outright. In fact, “growing numbers are rejecting the ‘natural’ family system, and trying to create alternative family structures.” It is clear from census reports that there has been a decline in cohabiting couples that are married. (6) In addition, adoption rates and technologies such as in vitro fertilization have increased the prevalence of alternative family forms.
Feminist families teach their children that families come in many forms, either by not fitting the definition of the “natural” family themselves or by fostering an acceptance for alternative family forms. One heterosexual feminist mother in Mack-Canty & Wright’s study explains how she helps her daughters to see the validity of other lifestyle choices:
“I think the girls are more open now to people who may not fit the dominate culture’s norm. I try to expose them to people who live differently than we do or their friends’ families do. For instance, I recently took them to a lesbian concert that was attended primarily by lesbians.” (7)
Rethinking "Natural" Motherhood:
"The current construction of motherhood in Western cultures claims that women naturally feel unconditional love for their children and want to nurture them, especially when they are babies. But the phenomenon we call mothering is a learned experience, and the doing of it by anyone develops skills, competence, and emotional relationships.”
-Lorber (8)
Part of the assumption of the “natural” family is that women have an innate knowledge of how to raise children. Matthaei explains, “Women/females are seen as naturally endowed with special maternal instincts which make them more qualified than men/males for parenting.” (9) This line of reasoning is used as justification for the sexual division of labor in which women specialize in homemaking. Feminists recognize that “natural” motherhood is just as much a social construct as the “natural” family. Feminist scholar Judith Lorber explains,
"When men parent alone as single parents, however, they exhibit a range of involvement and competence, even with young children. It therefore could be argued that what seems like a natural aptitude for parenting in women is the result of their doing it so much more frequently and consistently than men” (10)
This construction of “natural” motherhood undermines men’s involvement in the joys of parenting and puts most of the parenting burden on women.
By viewing parenting as a biological, or “natural,” activity, training and social support for parents is deemed unnecessary. Why train women to do something they already know how to do? Feminists recognize that “natural” motherhood is a social construct and parenting education and support for both genders is necessary.
Learn more about:
...Subservient Mother Paradigm
...Authoritarian Parent Paradigm
...Family Values
Page Created: May 21st, 2007
Last Modified: October 11th, 2007